“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
These are the words we hear from Thomas in the Gospel for the Second Sunday of Easter. As I read and reflect on the story of the disciples and Thomas encountering the risen Christ, I can’t help but identify with how the disciples and Thomas must have been feeling. Jesus had died, and the disciples were gathered in fear, doors locked, waiting for what comes next. Even after appearing to some of the disciples and hearing their testimony, Thomas still doubted until Jesus revealed himself to him.
This past year, I have felt combinations of stress, anger, disgust, worry, and doubt, seemingly more than I’ve ever felt before. Not only have we been dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic for over a year now, but we’ve also seen blatant acts of racism, a capitol insurrection, and the loss of life due to unspeakable acts of violence. I’ve had moments when I closed myself off in more ways than one, and more times than I’d like to admit. I doubted that the circumstances surrounding the pandemic would improve. I doubted that our societal systems could change to better serve underprivileged communities. I doubted my own faith, which has never been shaken like it has in the last year. I had moments of fear and moments where I’ve locked myself in my room, waiting for what comes next.
Despite all of the tough times we’ve been living through, I also believe I have never experienced God’s grace as much as I have this past year. I believe it’s in our moments of fear and doubt that God is striving to reveal Himself to us. If we are mindful and open our eyes and hearts, we can recognize and believe it’s Him, because his mercy and grace comes in all forms.
God’s grace could be a canceled Zoom meeting when you just needed a moment to yourself. God’s grace could be a conversation at work about diversity, equity, and inclusion, with planned changes to combat societal inequities. God’s grace could be celebrating one of your closest friends being pregnant after you’ve all had a terrible week. God’s grace could be the arrival of COVID-19 vaccines at a time you felt the pandemic had no end in sight.
These are only some of the things I have experienced recently during some of my lowest points. What I find beautiful about these moments is not only feeling reconnected to God and my faith, but that people are behind each of the examples I shared. My boss canceled a Zoom meeting, a group of coworkers sparked our conversation for change, my friends planned a day to share and celebrate wonderful news, and numerous scientists and researchers have worked tirelessly to create a vaccine for COVID-19. It’s normal for us to experience a range of negative thoughts and emotions like doubt. We’re only human. But let’s not forget that we are also capable of channeling God’s love, mercy, and grace through acts big or small. Jesus was flesh and blood, and so are we. We each have what it takes to be Jesus for others who may be feeling lost like Thomas and the disciples.
I’d like to end my reflection with something a coworker shared with me. I told her how overwhelmed I felt with all of the causes I wanted to help, and I didn’t know where to start. She told me, “Pick one simple thing you can do, and do that thing really well. When you’re done, repeat the process.” I’ve talked about channeling God’s love, mercy, and grace, but how can we make that real? Where can we start? I’ll echo what my coworker told me: pick one good thing you can do, and do it well. Then, repeat! My hope and prayer is that in a world filled with uncertainty and doubt, we can each be the light of Christ that brings hope and love to those yearning for God to reveal Himself.
